The column about nothing

By Adam Reeves

Writer’s block is a terrible thing.

I’ve always prided myself on being able to construct a concise piece of writing at the drop of a hat. As a liberal in Arkansas, it’s pretty easy for me to be offended, head straight to the computer and type up my columns and editorials.

Lately my columns have been lacking a certain zest. I’d like to think that they typically have a certain je ne sais quoi, but recently they read as if they’ve been written by a guy who’s out of ideas.

The worst thing I could do at this point is write a column just for the sake of writing one. I am a connoisseur of the television show “Seinfeld,” and I love the format. If you aren’t familiar with the show (seriously?), it’s tagged as “the show about nothing.” It’s essentially eight seasons of people in their 30s obsessing over minutia with wacky occurrences along the way.

In that vein, what would happen if I wrote a column about nothing?

What if I droned on and on with no logical point because I’m so riddled with writer’s block that I can’t stick with one central theme?

How awful of a read would that be? It’s a good thing that The Arka Tech is free, because I can imagine people would have complaints about paying for a paper that features a column about nothing from its Opinions Editor.

What would I even talk about in the column about nothing?

I guess I could ramble on about the excruciating minutia of everyday life like a character from “Seinfeld,” but most of you have better things to obsess over.

I could throw in some political jibber-jabber, but it would be easier for you to take any viewpoint from a Republican politician and rotate it 180 degrees to get my point of view on things.

I could even blather on about my busy schedule and how job hunting is consuming every minute of my free time, but that would be preaching to the choir to those of you who are graduating seniors.

I could combine all of those things into one and try to fashion together something resembling journalistic writing, but I’m afraid that you would fall asleep mid-read.

No, columns and editorials need a central point, and there’s nothing more pathetic in the journalism world than a writer who is out of ideas and only trying to meet a deadline.

I can dog on my writing for quite a few reasons, but at least I’ve never stooped so low as to ramble on and on for 400-plus words trying to fill up space because I have writer’s block.

Nope, that’ll never happen.

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