“Noah”: Sometimes taking artistic license is a good thing

By Adam Reeves

One of the great things about column writing is that you can start with one idea and end with something that has absolutely nothing to do with that original thought.

While writing this column, I began with the idea of voicing my opinion on how dangerous youth football can be for small children. As a former education graduate of Arkansas Tech, I was ready to defend my position with research on the developmental characteristics of children and how it isn’t the best of ideas to turn them into human projectiles.

I was willing to offer my experiences as a former young athlete (elementary, middle and high school) who has experienced the wonder of a concussion and a knee injury while participating in youth football.

I even had a counterargument prepared when it comes to those who claim that safety equipment is adequate enough to prevent these injuries. More affluent cities can afford to provide the best equipment that can prevent injuries, but what about small towns with limited budgets? For example, the equipment I wore while playing youth football in south Mississippi and south Georgia was as protective as wrapping a child’s head in bubble wrap just before he runs full-force into a brick wall.

I was on a roll. Then, about 500 words in, I experienced something magical. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a trailer for an upcoming movie.

I saw the trailer for the upcoming film “Noah,” directed by Darren Aronofsky.

I’d say that Aronofsky has taken artistic license with the biblical tale of Noah, but given that the entire story is based upon the fact that one elderly man gathered two of every animal on earth onto one giant boat as God wiped out the rest of them, there was room left for interpretation. I mean, what would be the point of putting two ducks on that boat? If it floods on Friday, they’ll just swim a few feet higher than they did on Thursday. But I digress.

There were images of falling fire, a charging army’s leader screaming “TAKE THE ARK!”, Anthony Hopkins speaking and looking much like a biblical Yoda, Emma Watson looking as beautiful as ever and, best of all, Russell Crowe playing a Maximus-esque version of Noah.

Yes, you read that correctly, Gladiator himself is playing the part of Noah.

What Bible are these screenwriters reading and where can I get one? As a Southern Baptist in a very small church in a very small town growing up, I would have slept less while attempting to listen to the preacher every Sunday if I had this version of Noah’s tale to read.

After I saw this trailer, my mind lost all ability to concentrate on a serious, research-based column. It was too glorious of a sight to keep quiet about.

It’s like this movie was made especially for me. War, beautiful women, Russell Crowe, Anthony Hopkins, explosions – throw in a few fighter jets and one-liners and I would be in a sleeping bag outside of the Picwood the night before tickets went on sale.

While I won’t go to that extreme, I will definitely be one of the first in line to see this movie when it hits theaters on March 28.

I can only hope that this is a trend in Hollywood. Wouldn’t the tale of Jonah and the Whale be much more interesting if Jonah escaped by setting off an incendiary device inside the whale and screamed, “Swallow this!” just before the explosion?

I know, I know, it’s a little sacrilegious. Okay, it’s very sacrilegious.

But at least it isn’t another sequel.

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