The Arka Tech

Dear younger self

When you look in the mirror, you don’t see what I see now. Right now you feel ugly, stupid and undeserving. In hopes to hide that, you put up a wall between your insecurities and the world.

You think nobody can tell your confidence is at an all-time low.

I know you think you know your worth, and you won’t let a guy mistreat you, but you will.

You’ll stay quiet when that guy forces you to do things you didn’t want to do. You’ll stay with the guy who cheated on you when you didn’t give into his wandering hands.

You’ll blame yourself when the guy who wanted to marry you breaks up with you a week later.

You’ll date that other guy even though you know he’s hurt your friends in the past. You’ll give each of them the benefit of the doubt. You won’t stand up for yourself.

I’m here to tell you these things don’t have to happen. You think they deserve the benefit of the doubt, but they don’t. They don’t deserve you because they don’t see you are worthy of love and respect.

You are a temporary relief to the many scars and burns they are internalizing. You are not the reason why they did these things. It is not your fault and never will be. I cannot stress that enough.

The most important thing to realize is those boys are temporary reliefs to your scars and burns as well. I know you don’t want to admit this, but you’re broken too. You act like you’re confident, but the guys you date reflect your self-respect.

I want you to realize this earlier than I did. You are internalizing so many issues. Broken guys will not fix your brokenness. The truth is, even an amazing guy won’t fix your brokenness. Only you can.

Take a look around you. You’ve shut your friends out hoping your boyfriends will see how much you care. You don’t treat your parents with respect because they tell you what they think about your decisions.

You are denying help from people who actually can help you. Your friends and family know you are worthy of love and respect. They truly care about you.
One day you will realize this. You will look in the mirror and see something beautiful. Not only will you think you are beautiful on the outside, but you will see a funny, smart and quirky young woman. You will be proud of her.
This transformation won’t happen in a day. It will take years of dedication and a true change of heart. But it is possible.
You are better than this.